Well I almost did if only that stinking butter knife was sharper!! So this Valentines Day weekend all my single fabulous friends decided to do an ANTI Valentines dinner..for $30 bucks you would get a steak and shrimp dinner and a show (some retro band)...So of course I decided to get all Sex and the City Fashion *Urban Edition* cuz you know your girl got some flava *duhhh* And I was feeling preety good that night..hair was teased *wink* make up on point..new lashes that I absoultely love! Here is the look.... I should have gotten a hint when I saw a room full of 60 year and older people hovering around....the smell of bengay...the unlimited supply of liver spots..or the fact that 60 percent of the people there needed a wheelchair..cane..or a nurse to move about! *ok so I might be exagerrating just a bit..but it was bad..I felt like I was at a Geriatric convention..and perfect for me right Im wearing white(just like a nurse) *oh please God dont let one of these people ask me to take them to go change their diaper* Seriously walking in a ballroom being stared down by everyone.. gasp...look at her porno hair...eeeek..tittays all out.....agh...ass like wha??..drag queen makeup...WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS!!!.......A BAD BETCH THATS WHO SUKKAS! lol...Ok so my lovely friend "forgets" to mention that her sister would be joining us (let me point out that I adore her family! each and everyone) so this was cool with me except for the fact that she brought her BOYFRIEND!!!! (picture below..me trying to slit my wrist with a butter knife!)
WHAT...the outrage...the audacity...Here I am thinkin we would be loud and obnoxious..make fun of lovey dovey couples and blab about how fabulous it is to be SINGLE *ehhhhh*..but nope...as they walked us to our table (because we were all going to sit together!) I was thinkin ok..hey make the best of this situation..but that soon changed because literally before my ass hit the seat I was assaulted with "No baby I love you".."Noooo I love you more".."No, I love you!".."No I DO!!!"....*in my mind im thinking please God let this be over soon..let them get the I love you's over with and move on!* God wasnt listening last night....Because it was followed by intemittent kisses..and not just any kiss but those ANNOYINGLY loud butterfly smack kisses like you do when you Dont know how to kisS....SERIOUSLY TONGUE HER DOWN, SQUEEZE A BOOB, AND GET IT OVER WITH!! I dont need to be hearing all this smuckering before the appetizer!! AGHHHH..her sister is a sweetheart and her boyfriend is a cutie..but really!...SERIOSULY!!!! and I was the lucky one that got to sit right in front of them! (picture below me kissing my hunny bunny...her identity has been withheld due to her choice of lameness..I must protect her identity because of the AWFUL choice she made last night when choosing where we would spend our ANTI VDAY DINNER...her life would be in danger!!!! lmao)
...needless to say our 7pm dinner turned into 10 pm!!!!COLD dinner...but as if the cold steak..over boiled veggies..and mashed potatos werent enough..we did get to enjoy a watered down salad with ranch dressing that was so watery it sogged our lettuce beyond recognition before our fabulous dinner...AGHHHHHH... Did I mention that the "band" didnt show up until 10pm!..(on a good note they sounded amazing..think Frank Sinatra..Rat Pack...Kind of feel..like The club in the MASK movie with Jim Carrey) Although I would have stayed forever I had to go (not that I wanted to leave my cold dinner or the overly lovey dovey vomit inducing couple) I had promised my daughter that I would see her before she went to bed...So I left..But on a good note I did have fun because I was with my friends! and they were all looking on point..Nats titays overflowing in that leopard bra and twinzies green eyes were as always mesmerizing (Blicious lucked out..she didnt go..DAMN YOU B!!!!) lol...to top it off I got to deal with Traffic at 10 pm!!! *ahhhh Los Angeles*..Luckily my daughter had not gone to sleep and I was able to spend some time with her and give her my valentines day present (since I am working this weekend)....I realized that no matter what I have a guaranteed valentine for the next 50 some years!!! My lil princess T!!!